There are moments in my life, when clarity appears. Usually, if not always it comes when I am outside in nature. And often these moments come after busy days, doing one thing after another and getting totally un-grounded without even knowing it. Then, it seems, my body and soul can’t take it anymore, and the emotions come pouring out (sometimes via laughing, crying or even rage.) Following the outburst of emotion, my healing and recovery begin. It feels like a weight lifted off my shoulders. I can breathe better and my brain aligns with my heart. And I can see, with clarity.
My most recent moment, arrived at 3:30 am one morning when sleep would not come. I got up, headed out to use the latrine, and decided to make an early morning of it and make coffee. The moon was bright and still in the middle of the sky, and it was a warmish evening, maybe about 60F. It felt so good to be outside, I decided to take my coffee and sit on my deck in my little fold up chair facing the moon. Then, the feelings came. A whole load of them along with insights. Gratitude and tears came first for the beautiful night and the good fortune I have to live so close to nature. Then came sadness (and more tears) for all the ways in which, I am human, and have faltered resulting in hurting those I love and care for. Then came a deep feeling of love, for all of it. For my family, my friends, the moon, the forest I live in. I realized that I had lost touch with being, and I had been way to busy “doing.” I realized that what I felt so judgmental about with people I care about, was (as always) behaviors that I was actually engaged in myself.
I realized, “work” and “getting things done,” had once more taken over my body for the past week or so. I also recognized that I get something from that. Doing and accomplishing gives me a sense of self-worth. But in these revelatory moments, I realized how much I lose while I am busy accomplishing. Life is such a balancing act!
So, for now, I really appreciate these moments of clarity that pull me back to the Earth. They ground me. They guide me in my relationships and give me insights of how to move forward. They give me hope that I can be the person that I strive to be, or at least get closer to that vision.
As I watch folks around me grow “older” and as I grow “older” I remind myself, I don’t want to waste time…. being busy and doing too much. I want to be present and enjoy the moments. Moments in relation to myself, my loved ones and the Earth. I want to appreciate these moments filled with feelings of love, that make me not so afraid and not so in need of controlling things around me for a false sense of security.
So, my friends, I have shared about these special moments in my life, and I hope you too have your own special moments and find peace and joy as much as possible.
With gratitude,
eshay and druid